Why Meditation Can Feel Frustrating at First
You finally make time to meditate. You sit down, close your eyes and wait for the quiet you have been looking forward to. Instead, your mind gets busy. You become aware of an uncomfortable position. Then you feel irritated that the peaceful moment you planned has turned into another thing to get right.
If that sounds familiar, a different expectation may help you begin again: leave some room for the session to feel how it feels.
This article includes a personal account from Maeve, followed by practical suggestions from le flo. Names in this article are pen names.
Maeve's beginning: expecting peace, finding frustration
In her account of learning to meditate, Maeve described expecting an almost immediate sense of connection and serenity. She unrolled her yoga mat, sat cross-legged and tried to push away the thoughts that appeared.
Her attention moved between breathing, counting and worrying about her posture. When sitting upright made her back ache, she adjusted and eventually leaned against a wall. Just when she thought calm was arriving, she noticed anger, frustration and unease instead.
She had not expected meditation to feel that way.
Over repeated attempts, Maeve changed her approach. She tried acknowledging what she felt rather than continually trying to remove it. In her experience, the frustration eventually eased and she began having more peaceful sessions, although not every time.
That is her account, not a promise about what another person's difficult feelings will do. It also does not tell us why those feelings appeared. You do not have to interpret an uncomfortable session as hidden trauma being released or as proof that you need to sit longer.
A busy mind does not make the session a failed attempt
The NHS explains that mindfulness involves noticing thoughts and feelings as they occur, rather than making every thought disappear. It also recognizes that an over-busy mind can make sitting practice difficult. Read the NHS introduction to mindfulness.
Consider changing the question you bring to a session. Instead of asking whether you managed to become peaceful, ask whether you noticed where your attention went.
Perhaps you noticed planning. Perhaps you noticed annoyance at a noise outside. That observation gives you a place to begin the next moment: hear the sound, feel the chair supporting you, or return to one ordinary breath.
There is no need to turn every distraction into a performance review.
Make the next attempt easier to enter
These are invitations to experiment with, not requirements for completing a successful meditation.
Choose a position you can rest in. You do not need to copy a cross-legged image. A supported chair may suit you better. Adjust your position when you need to; you are allowed to care for your body while practicing.
Start with an amount of time you are willing to give. A brief attempt can help you get acquainted with the process. Decide when it will end, and let that be enough for today.
Give your attention one simple place to return. This might be an ordinary sound in the room, the contact of your feet with the floor or the movement of a comfortable breath. The NHS describes sounds, breathing and bodily sensations as possible focuses in sitting meditation. Explore different mindfulness practices.
Use language that leaves room. Try a quiet invitation such as “I can let this moment be here.” You do not need to argue with the thought you just noticed or demand a particular feeling before you continue.
End without grading yourself. Write one honest sentence about the experience, if you want to. “I noticed how much I wanted to check my phone” is a useful observation all by itself.
When continuing is not the right next step
An uncomfortable experience does not create an obligation to push through it. The NHS notes that mindfulness does not help everyone and can make some people feel worse. If a session becomes distressing, stop and choose something grounding and familiar; seek appropriate support if distress continues. Meditation should not replace needed care. Read the NHS guidance on whether mindfulness is helpful for everyone.
Maeve's story offers permission to have a beginning that feels different from the one you imagined. Your own next step can be shorter, more supported or guided by someone who can respond to your needs.
Let the instructions be someone else's job for a moment
For some beginners, the tiring part is deciding what to do next. le flo offers a guided sequence of intention, breathing, posture and meditation, with a structure to return to from day to day.
If you want to explore the basics first, read our free guide to starting meditation without experience. For a broader view of early practice, explore what the first thirty days of meditation may feel like. When you want guidance for your own routine, explore le flo's daily practice.